Charity is a Change of Heart

In our readings, a change of heart is the biggest solution to a better marriage.  At the end of the day, you can go to therapy sessions, read books, consult bishops, etc. but all of that help in your marriage means nothing if you do not experience a change of heart.

 

What is a change of heart?  Experiencing a change of heart involves having charity a part of your everyday life and having the gift of Christ-like love towards all those you know, especially your spouse.

 

What can we do to experience a change of heart?  

 

A story of a woman that was miserable in her marriage comes from Wallace Goddard's book Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage. 

 

"She and her husband tought regularly. She got to the point where she neither loved him nor liked him. She felt trapped.  She could have miserable singleness or miserable marriage. She prayed. A new thought came to mind. She could stay, love her husband, and be happy.

 

Unfortunately, her best efforts to conjure up some love for her husband were fruitless. She did nice things for him-but he didn't notice. After three weeks of sincere effort, nothing was better. She begged God to change her husband. God invited her to change herself. Having already given her best effort, she didn't know what else to do, but continued to pray for help. In Gospel Doctrine Class the answer came as they read Mormon's invitation to pray with all the energy of heart for charity.

 

She began trying to see her husband as Jesus saw him. And she felt invited to look for the good in him. At first this was very hard. Although she found it much more natural to catalogue his faults, she started looking for his positive qualities.

 

She began to realize that her husband wasn't the big jerk she had thought him to be. He head many wonderful traits that had been overlooked or forgotten. Then came a second blessing. In the absense of nagging, her husband started dropping many of the bad habits she had pestered him about.

 

Though their relationship had improved, she still felt no love for her husband. She prayed more earnestly. She reports that one day she looked across the table at him, and suddenly, was filled with an intense love for him. Tears filled her eyes. She suddenly saw him as her eternal companion, whom she loved more than words could express. She felt his infinite worth and wondered how she had ever overlooked it. She sensed the Savior's love for him.

 

That is the blessing we all seek. It is the Heavenly gift that changes everything."

 

 

When we pray for a change of heart, and ask God to allow us to see our spouse as He sees them, we experience increased love and charity. It is an incredible change, and although it does not happen overnight and includes hard work like mentioned in the story above, God will bless you with the love to see your spouse with Christ-like love once again.