Who is inside Your Fence?

Often when couples get married, it is difficult for the spouses to leave the comfort of their home life and cleave unto their spouse.  Mom and Dad used to offer protection, advice, everything you needed.  Now you are commanded to cleave unto your spouse and none else.

This is often a difficult line for many couples to trod- how much time do I spend with in-laws vs. my spouse and what boundaries do we need to establish?

I liked from our reading the analogy of an invisible fence.

"The first task of a newly married couple is to separate from the families in which they grew up. One component of separating from families of origin involves creating a marital identity. It helps a newly married couple to think of themselves as existing together inside an invisible fence. 

They share information and behavior with each other inside that fence, and that information and behavior is not meant to be shared with others outside the fence- not with future children and certainly not with parents or parents-in-law."

I think it is important for couples to remember this concept that they are now their own family, and they need to establish their own boundaries and separate themselves from the outside world, including extended family. This can be hard at first if in-laws get upset or offended, but if you express to them the reasoning behind it is to strengthen your relationship with your spouse, they will more likely understand and respect your decision.  If they do not respect your decision, then you still need to create these boundaries regardless of their reaction to strengthen the bond of your marriage and have a healthy relationship.